Family Portrait by Pink

Uh, uh, some deep shit, uh, uh

Momma please stop cryin, I can’t stand the sound
Your pain is painful and its tearin' me down
I hear glasses breakin as I sit up in my bed
I told dad you didn’t mean those nasty things you
said

You fight about money, bout me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter
It ain’t easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, you’ll see
I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done
my family

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t
leave

Daddy please stop yellin, I can’t stand the sound

Make mama stop cryin, cuz I need you around
My mama she loves you, no matter what she says
its true
I know that she hurts you, but remember I love
you, too

I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
Don’t wanna go back to that place, but don’t have
no choice, no way
It ain’t easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, well I've seen
I don’t want love to destroy me like it did my
family

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t
leave

In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
Let’s play pretend, let's act like it comes
naturally
I don’t wanna have to split the holidays
I don’t want two addresses
I don’t want a step-brother anyways
And I don’t want my mom to have to change her
last name

In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally

In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
(I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do
anything)
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
Let's play pretend act and like it comes so
naturally
(I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don't
leave)
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
(I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don't
leave)

Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Turn around please
Remember that the night you left you took my
shining star?
Daddy don’t leave 
Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Don't leave us here alone

Mom will be nicer
I’ll be so much better, I’ll tell my brother
Oh, I won’t spill the milk at dinner
I’ll be so much better, I’ll do everything right
I’ll be your little girl forever
I’ll go to sleep at night

--------------------------------------------------------------------


and maybe never wake up again...

ap·pre·ci·a·tion
pronounciation: \ə-ˌprē-shē-ˈā-shən, -ˌpri- also -ˌprē-sē-\
function: noun

Meriam Webster defines appreciation as an expression of admiration, approval, or gratitude.

Recently i have been questioning myself. I ask whether i have been appreciating the people around me: my friends, family. I have questioned my ability to appreciate what i posses and my position in life. Is it true that in yearning for something more than what we have, sometimes amorphous in nature, we forsake the appreciation of what we already have? What if all of us are locked in a vicious cycle where we yearn for something we don't have and when we acheive that, we yearn for even more? What does that make us? Perhaps in a certain way i (i shall not generalise this notion but i feel it to be quite widespread) am no better than the crack addict who years constantly to be whacked by crack. He gets his crack and does his crack and when he finishes, he wants more. There is only a short reprieve. How am i any different? I want several things and when i get them, i yearn for that that i do not already have. Perhaps some of us are locked in this stuggle where we yearn and yearn and do not stop to truly realise what we have already got. Instead, in a paradoxical way we already have what we want without seeing it: a constant state of wanting what we cannot have.

So what i am trying to say here is that we all should stop the addiction. We all know that addiction is not good for us. This wanting isn't good either. It is important to appreciate what we already have. If not we will cease to be different from the greedy money grabbers we all despise on an ideological basis for wanting more and more until the day they die. 

Meriam Webster gave a second definition for the word appreciation. Appreciation: an increase in value. 

When we stop to appreciate what we have then does not its value increase? 

So right not now you will be thinking of what this bullshit has to do with anything. What shit is this appreciation? So i say to you, the elusive you, that appreciation has everything to do with anything. It is important in all of our lives.  A most pertinent example would be to link it to the a levels. Right now with the state of panic that has decended upon the school, everyone wishes for the prelims and the a levels to be over. I cannot deny that that hasn't been lurking somewhere in the admittedly shallow waters of my mind. However maybe it should all be looked in a different light. We wish for something that cannot be achieved anytime in the near future: we wish for the dreaded exams to be over. However shouldn't the focused and driven life that the exams forces us to lead be appreciated. Otherwise wouldn't we be lazing about doing nothing productive? We lament about the lack of sleep we are getting. Perhaps we should appreciate the fact that we are not wasting the time that is given to us with sleep. Time, of course, is the aligator in Peter pan with the ticking clock within it, always chasing us, always hounding us. 

There is always something to appreciate even in the worst of times and in doing so the meaning in our own lives increase exponentially.

Linked to the notion of yearning for more is that of expectations. People around me all have high expectations of themselves. That is a good thing of course. I should try to emulate them. It leads to a purpose driven life, a life worth leading. But for some reason i cannot help but feel there is an element of the eternal yearning, that i spoke of before, in it. Is it better not to have high expectations? This stumbled out of my mouth of mouth quite of its own accord when i was giving one of my close friends some advice. I said 'Don't have any expectations. If you don't have any expectations, then the expectations will fulfill themselves.' Maybe that leads to no dissapointment. Maybe it leads to more happiness. I am neither judge nor jury so these are my humble thoughts free to be revoked by anyone. But maybe there is some truth is this. I watched a video recently where denmark was stated as the country with the happiest people. In it is theorized that the reason why people in denmark were so happy was because they had low expectations of themselves and their county. So when things go awry they aren't too dissapointed and anything that happens to go right is a bonus. Didn't the bible say something about 'blessed are the meek for they are those who shall inherit the kingdom of heaven'? The kingdom of heaven is a place where we are cound to be happy isn't it?

So what i am trying to say, is that we all should have expectations of ourselves. We should yearn to improve ourselves. The age old adage is that if we aim for the moon and fail, we will land among the stars. But at the same time it is important to appreciate what we have in terms of our family and friends for it is they who should come first. So believe what you want and aim high and yearn! But do not forget to appreciate what is dancing naked right in front of all our eyes. To my friends and family, i appreciate all of you and i shall endeavour to do that always. If i don't you can give me a good kick in the ass. In the meantime, appreciate and, up and up we'll go. 

Don't beat yourself up because it isn't going to do you any good. Please don't do put yourself down because you will start convincing yourself that you aren't good and then you'll start to hate yourself and then you'll want to whack yourself to feel the pain as if that pain is going to erase the other pain you feel deeper, much deeper inside. But the fact is that the guilt that you 'haven't been working hard enough' or whatever you want to call it is not going to be transformed because of you putting yourself down. Sometimes you want to you hit yourself as hard as you can because you feel you deserve it. But you never deserve such a thing. You should never do that because who is going to be there for yourself if not you? You will feel despair but you have to be stronger because you are anne and you are stronger than that. Anne is strong and anne is determined and anne will pull herself through this.

Little Anne of northern lights wih the little red dot upon her forehead is NOT a loser. And you're not going to despair. Please be strong for yourself :) And wishes always count for something, always. Don't despair yeah? Like you said there's still 3 days left. Believe in yourself for a bit. And when you feel your day becoming a dark, perhaps this can be a source of energy.

Northern Lights (Aurora Borealis)


p.s. i know this must be a whole load of crap but its three in the morning haha. just don't beat yourself up ok?
p.p.s. and oh god i just saw how the post looks in the skin thing. GOD it looks awful but i ain't gonna change it cos i'm lazy....i need to go bathe cos i'm so smellyyyyy.